I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
