i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
