he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
