the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
