i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
