Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
