thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
