i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
