please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
