God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
