In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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