If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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