thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize