So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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