I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
