I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
