I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Where is the hickey?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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