id be glad to
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
