so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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