Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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