Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
