Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
