Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's the barista slut.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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