She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
