Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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