Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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