If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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