I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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