I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
