lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
