yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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