Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
