umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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