I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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