You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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