i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Randomize
