You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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