why didn't you poke me back
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
