maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
