im holly from the hills drunk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
