she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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