i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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