I wish my penis had an off switch
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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