why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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