You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
