You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
