my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
