Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
