I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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