Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
