there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
