I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
