I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I party with great urgency now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
