If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
