There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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