that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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