She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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