I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
