apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
