i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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