I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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