just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
