The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
