New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
