you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
