ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
