I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
