its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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