Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
