If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Who died my cat blue again?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
