shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
