Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize