I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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