girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
