this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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