Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
